Anxiety that proves in certain situations that so many limitations involve in our lives is not something falling from the sky: anxiety is something you learn. This is beyond possible predispositions, which are not condemnations, but, precisely, only “predispositions.” Here we will see three major issues of feeling anxiety …
Genetics and temperament
When it comes to genetics, except for certain conditions, one does not have to imagine a “condemnation” of having a certain illness or developing certain behaviors. Especially about anxiety disorders, it is far better to talk about predisposition.
In particular, the predisposition of the body to react with intense emotional reactions to certain situations. So to have less emotional stability in the face of environmental events or stresses. But, as I said, this is not necessarily a condemnation: we are talking about the floor plan of the house, not how this will actually be built. What will happen from birth onwards will be equally (if not more) important than a possible predisposition.
Often, it is easy to find in your “genetic” family (the relatives who are acquired are not worth it!) An uncle ever concerned about this or that or a grandmother particularly inclined to agitation in the face of the unforeseen. In short, to make it brief: if you notice a similarity between some of your behaviors anxious with those of Uncle Nino, it might be a question of genetics.
Before you run to accuse your parents or relatives of being responsible for your anxiety, keep in mind that:
- It is usually the combination of several factors to be decisive (so you cannot rely on a single factor, in this case the family environment);
- Any parent does their best to grow their children (and it is by no means an easy task), all without instruction manual!
Some people who suffer from anxiety have grown up in a family context in which the idea that the world is, in some ways, a dangerous and unpredictable place, obviously without any conscious intention of “traumatizing” their children. This is in any case the reflection of the anxiety of the parents themselves, who, directly or indirectly, can “teach” their children to be anxious in some situations.
Sometimes this is explicitly done (“Be careful when you are out, the world is full of malicious people!”), Sometimes this broadcast is slimmer, and it depends on the ways in which parents educate their children. In fact, some educational styles seem to correlate more than others with the development of anxiety issues do. Among them, we find …
- Hyper protective parents: Those who commit themselves to protecting or shielding their children from any possible threat, frustration or suffering. Always ready to help them and find solutions to the problems of their children, they do not allow them to learn to tolerate and manage their anxieties and small big challenges that will inevitably annoy them in their journey to adulthood;
- The over-controlling parents: Those who (often to keep their own, anxieties) tend to control any aspect of their children’s life, such as activities and sports to do, clothes to be put, even what to say and what you have to do it in certain situations. It is clear that parents need to be a guide for their children, but if you go beyond the risk of dampening any expression of autonomy, reinforcing the idea of the child (who will later become adult) to be dependent on others and, above all, not being able to deal with what is fearful;
- Incoherent parents: Some parents have difficulty in defining clear rules and limits, but above all they tend to respond unpredictably and inconsistently in similar situations. It happens then that a child may, for example, encounter difficulties in predicting what can happen after confessing a marachella; sometimes it comes from a gratifying smile, sometimes a sore rebuke. Every time it’s a coin-throw, and if everything happens inside a not well-defined frame, everything may be uncertain. The feeling is that you have no control over anything that the danger may be around the corner at the most innocuous appearance. How to call it, if not anxious?